Welcome, dear OPFer, to the beginning of your great adventure!
(By the way, (link-reveal: "lollipops are deadly")[ (and so are hot-dogs)]!
[[Let's Go! | Begin Adventure]]
[[Go fornicate your mother. | Enter Hell]]
You are sailing the seas on the *S.S. OPF* with your captain, Owl-sama, who happens to have majestic facial hair.
You recently joined his crew in hopes of acquiring fame and glory. Your crewmates include, but are not limited to, three psuedo-perverts, twelve idiots, and the phantom of a French cook who once dated a demon.
Your job is the ship's navigator; however, you don't just navigate the ship, but rather all aspects of life within it.
"Human-san!" Owl-sama yells frantically as he calls out to you, "We're experiencing an early midlife crisis!"
[["What can I do to help?" | Resolve Crisis]]
[["That must really suck." | Pre-suck]]
Well in that case, you can go suck a hot one!
[[Go suck a hot one. | Suck Hotdog]]
"What can I do to help?" you respond concernedly.
Owl-sama takes a deep breath, regains his composure, and begins speaking:
"It all started when I was discussing beautiful baes with the pseudo-perverts. We were happily admiring the aesthetic features of their human bodies and the great contributions they've made to their societies. But then, all of a sudden, it hit us; we all disagreed on which bae is the bae'est of all baes!"
You shoot him a human look of confusion.
Owl-sama frowns like a human and says "Let me put it in human words for you: **who is the best grill!?**"
[[Resolve this crisis once and for all! | Pick Girl]]
[["I don't know." | Pre-suck]]
You give him a human look of confidence, then give him his answer.
"The best girl is..."
[[<img src="https://38.media.tumblr.com/avatar_77a791021f6a_128.png"> | Best Girl]] [[<img src="https://33.media.tumblr.com/avatar_a9286c3a91bc_128.png"> | OK Girl]] [[<img src="https://33.media.tumblr.com/avatar_b41d109d8a3d_128.png"> | Good Girl]] [[<img src="https://33.media.tumblr.com/avatar_061753d44df0_128.png"> | Best Girl]] [[<img src="http://38.media.tumblr.com/avatar_cd7b0bf204e6_128.png"> | Good Girl]] [[<img src="http://38.media.tumblr.com/avatar_99da4295d1e8_128.png"> | OK Girl]] [[<img src="https://31.media.tumblr.com/avatar_a932a9a2fc1f_128.png"> | Best Girl]] [[<img src="http://38.media.tumblr.com/avatar_e24ab6bd1b9b_128.png"> | Good Girl]] [[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/bFMxzzm.jpg"> | Girl not God]] [[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/QLQPuQo.jpg"> | Good Girl]] [[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/tiUebSr.jpg"> | Good Girl]] [[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/F9ceuvx.jpg"> | Girl Wrong Manga]]
Your answer leaves Owl-sama and the pseudo-perverts overflowing with ebullient fervor!
Because of the tremendous amount of sheer happiness and passion created by your answer, an angel descends from the heavens to praise you and offer you a reward.
[[Meet the angel. | Angel Intro]]
Owl-sama is taken aback by your response and says "She's definitely a bae, but she can't possibly be the best. Quit joking around and give us a real answer."
[[Give him a real answer. | Pick Girl]]
Owl-sama is slightly displeased with your response and says "She's definitely a baer bae than most baes out there, but I don't think she's the absolute best. Perhaps you meant someone else?"
[[Give him a better answer. | Pick Girl]]
Owl-sama hands you a big lollipop and you start sucking on it because that is how you eat lollipops.
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/K1aPDpS.png">
Because you sucked a big one, you died.
It looks like the only thing you'll be famous for is sucking even more than Dracula.
"Well in that case, you can go suck a big one!" Owl-sama roars at you with his human voice.
[[Go suck a big one. | Suck Lollipop]]
The angel looks at you with her eyes of subtlety, smiling gently as she approaches you.
"Greetings, Human-san. My name is ``******``. I would like to personally thank you for spreading so much goodness in this world. You see, with the lack of a Half Life 3 release date, Hell has been expanding at a massive rate in recent years; however, it all crumbled moments ago under the sheer magnitude of goodness that came about from the beautiful and intelligent answer you gave to your noble crewmates."
"I'm just trying to be honest." you respond, with cheeks of red.
The angel's face brightens up and she says "Because of your honesty, I shall grant you a single wish, whatever it may be."
[[Choose a wish. | Pick Wish]]
With tears in your eyes and true happiness in your heart, you declare your wish:
(link: "lower your expectations")[[["I wish to become a super moderator!" | Cobain Leave]]
[["I wish to become the new admin!" | Cobain Leave]]
[["I wish Blackduck-senpai would notice me!" | BD Msg]]
[["I wish Toei Animation would animate decently for once!" | Toei Decent]]
[["I wish Rebecca would keep her clothes on!" | Rebecca Clothed]]
[["I wish Viola would keep her clothes off!" | Viola Unclothed]]
[["I wish ZoroxSanji was a real thing!" | Zanji]]
[["I wish I had strong thighs!" | Strong Thighs]]
[["I wish for a small loan of a million dollars!" | Ask Trump]]
[["I wish Claymore would get rebooted!" | Claymore Reboot]]
[["I wish to know what the One Piece is!" | Monokini]]
[["I wish for more wishes!" | More Wishes]]]
Owl-sama shakes his head and says "I asked for a girl, not a god."
[[Give him a girl instead of a god. | Pick Girl]]
Owl-sama lowers his gaze and sorrowfully says "I know you're right, but you're in the wrong manga."
[[Go to the right manga. | Pick Girl]]
Go away Cobain.
"Very well," the angel says, "I shall grant you your wish."
<a href="http://opforum.net/conversations/add?to=BlackDuck
">Receive your reward.</a>
"Very well," the angel says, "I shall grant you your wish."
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MidXRkb6M7M" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
"I cannot do that," the angel says, "because your wish has already come true."
(link: "Feast your eyes on the beautiful fabrics.")[<img src="http://orig07.deviantart.net/cafa/f/2015/218/0/9/rebecca_by_maflasd-d94hpgz.png">
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/o9J7jVr.png">]
The angel nods and says "I wish for that, too."
The angel smiles excitedly and says "It already is, my friend."
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OVTs1ODmxXI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
"Give this ticket to Owl-sama and you shall have them." says the angel.
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/tXHQnTz.png">
"To complete your wish, you must seek out this kind and intelligent man." says the angel as she projects a magical image in front of you:
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/k4X-2VeaQ_8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
The angel sadly shakes her head and says "That is beyond my power. I'm sorry."
<img src="http://rs186.pbsrc.com/albums/x70/claymoreimages/Claymore%20Episode%2014/ep14_04.jpg~c200">
"Very well," the angel says, "I shall grant you your wish."
(link: "Feast your eyes on the one-piece!")[<img src="http://i.imgur.com/lTGidRk.png">]
"Very well," the angel says, "I shall grant you your wish."
She then turns around and says "Now that I have granted your wish, I bid you farewell."
You are handed a hot hotdog and you start sucking on it because that is how you eat hotdogs.
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/Ooei0Np.png">
Because you sucked a hot one, you died.
It looks like the only place you got to explore was the Hebrew Nation.